We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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