you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
