Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
