ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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