got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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