I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
