My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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