Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
