The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
