Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
