sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
