mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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