She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The maid of honor just puked.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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