You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
