Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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