I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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