this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
