We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
