she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
