I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
