He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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