Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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