I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
