I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
