My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I supernannyed him into submission
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
