so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
