Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
