I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm determined to sit on that face.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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