Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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