Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
