New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
