They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let's get the cat blown out
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize