Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
