The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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