he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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