He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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