He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
