I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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