Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
