i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
