it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
