If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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