I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
