I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
