Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
