I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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