So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
