i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
