dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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