she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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