I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
