her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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