Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
