The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
