I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
