the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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