Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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