drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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