Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
